Aram’s Bed Time Stories

Note to Aram: The purpose of bed time stories is to get your girl to sleep. So when I’m already sleepy, you really don’t have to properly finish the story…

Bob The Finance Guy

Once upon a time, there was a finance guy named Bob. Bob was a ruthless wolf of wallstreet who owned billions of dollars. He gained his wealth through evil deeds and never cared to give back to anyone.

One day, Bob was curious to know how much deposit he had in the karma bank. He decided to pray to a deity, but he had never done so before in his life. Instead, he prayed to multiple deities. Finally one of them appeared. The deity told Bob he owed 700 billions in the karma bank.

“That’s a lot. How could I pay it back? What’s the exchange rate between karma and dollars?” Bob asked.

“There is no exchange rate between karma and dollars. To pay back your debt, you must do good.” The deity replied. “If you refuse to do so, I will send the meanest debt collectors after you, much worse than the people you sent after those poor kids who just graduated from college.”

Bob frowned. He was about to protest when the deity disappeared. Despite being curious about the consequences of what he had done, he was not about to pay back his debt. He ignored the deity’s advice.

The next day, when he was cheating on the girl he was cheating on in order to cheat on his girlfriend — cuz he’s just that bad, a ghost suddenly appeared.

The ghost had come to collect Bob’s debt. The ghost informed Bob that he was being put on a plan to pay back his karma in several installments. As an assignment for the next day, Bob had to help an old lady cross the street. Bob realized that the girl he was cheating with can’t see the ghost. He got so scared that he decided to abide the ghost’s instructions.

The next day, Bob saw an old lady with a shopping cart. He hastily pushed the shopping cart across the street and grabbed the old lady by her arms and dragged her across as she exclaimed. The old lady was really confused, but she thought Bob had meant well after she had safely arrived at the other side of the street and the cart was returned to her. She said: “Thank you young man”.

At that moment Bob exprienced the kind of joy and fulfilment he had not felt in so many years. He also started to feel the guilt from all the bad things he had done. He felt sorry about cheating on his girlfriend, so he sent her on a retreat that’s fully paid for.

However, that same night, he planned to go see his sugar babe again. When he was getting ready, the ghost reappeared. The ghost says: “Your debt was going down in the morning. But right now, it shows signs of going up. You really shouldn’t do what it is that you’re about to do.”

Bob got angry: “I don’t have to listen to you son of a biscuit. Because I’m a manly man and you don’t get to point your fingers at me. (and other manly stuff to say)”

As he swore, Bob pulled out a knife and attempted to stab the ghost. However, the ghost easily dodged his attack by performing ambient isotopy. Bob kept stabbing into holes but the ghost always formed a neighborhood of N_r(a) such that r > 0 and for any p ∈ knife, p ∉ N_r(a).

Bob: “hah! you thought I’m some dumb banker but how’d you think I got so rich? I’ve a doctorate in finance and I totally took topology dude. (fun fact: so did Aram, and uki self-learnt so it counts)” He took out another knife and, using both knives, he formed a closed path which encapsulated part of the ghost, henceforth a torus cannot deform without crossing through the knives.

“With these knives inside your chest, there is no way you can perform an ambient isotopy. You’re a dead ghost.” Bob the finance guy grinned.

“That’s good thinking,” the ghost replied calmly, “but have you considered the possibility that I might not be a torus to start with?”

“Wait…you’re not a sphere, you’re not a torus… you are” Bob’s face grew pale, as he thought of the only remaining possibility, “a Mö…Möbius strip? Damn it I didn’t take 427!”

With shaky hands, Bob dropped both knives. And the ghost was just fast enough to avoid getting cut. The ghost looked down on Bob with mercy: “We’ve given you a chance to pay back your debt as you were, but I guess that simply won’t do”. Bob was condemned to the harshest of all hells, and is forced to spend the entirety of his life, working the most demeaning jobs, until he can pay back his debt in full.

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